:) ♥ Derek&Joanna 4/14/08-4ever&ever ♥ (:

Ok so its been a very long time since i have been off grounding for this long lol. So anyways getting to the important things...most of you probably jave noticed that yea i noted most people that left me notes before i went through about 92 pages of notes and i actually got more now. last i check about 82 new notes and 83 new messages and yes ill reply.

basically dont delete me from your friends list thinking oh this kid never talks to me but he talks to everyone else actually you never talk to me. so how am i suppose to talk to you. i mean yes that has happened to me before sadly and im sorry i dont spend my life on buzznet, myspace, myyearbook and facebook. I have better things in life to just sit in front of a screen for 24 hours. The only main two reasons though why iam on the internet is:

1. Joanna my wifey and speeking of her, sunday was her birthday and also our eight annv.

oh yea thats another reason why two girls deleted me on here because i wouldnt break up with joanna for them. I'm sorry if you think im flirting with you or anything like that but i love joanna more than anything. i will always love her no matter what and i could never break up with her. shes my main reason of living anyways. so im sorry about that but joanna is my life and ill never give her up.

now my second reason on being on here is;

2. I like some people on here and they became my good besties for life.

thats why i did the 92 page thing project all weekend is cause i wanted to catch up with my friends and make even more friends while doing it to.

.........................

so yea today was ok i guess i couldnt do anything cause i stayed home from school because i was sleepy :p and also had an horrible headache. i was sick all last week and i only have a caugh now. but since i stayed home i couldnt do anything but text people so if you want to text me anytime just give me your number

oh speaking of that im getting a new cell phone it might be the phone they're advertising on this site at the moment or an iphone and yes i tryed the iphone before its easier to sneek and text and class then my other phones. but the only bad part about the new phone we are switching companys im going from T-Mobile to at&t and my mom already got her bill and it was mostly taxes it was weird.

oh yea i was dared to do this hopefully somebody will know what im saying: "ni hao ma?" yes thats chinese our teacher at school says we need to pratice more and omg school

ah school final exams are for the next two days and omg i know im going to fail. well chemistry maybe not because we get to use our notes. which makes me happy and chinese is easy with pingying but i hate the characters i cant do them at all well ican butonly the numbers and also my chinese name which is Ran, Ren De.

weird i know lol.

i absoulty hate computer class she asked for to much work and i cant even keep up at all. it so sucks.

SO im hyper and i cant sleep i started this like at 2:50 and its 3:30  but im getting better at typing i guess.

omg i tryed these gummy bears called techno gummy beasrs and they was so GOOD!!!!!!

and i might get to see joanna this winter break we are going to LA to visit some family up there. i wish i knew her when i was younger that could have been a excuss to stay in CA.

but im happy because i might get to see her.

right now im making christmas cards for people and i have to many friends at school. i ran out of paper D: it made me mad

and what made mad even more is that my letter got lost in the mail i sent joanna a letter the monday after the week of thanksgiving and she still hasnt got it. it makes me sad but im writing a new one to right now and im putting it in the mail box before i go to school today so yay!! hopefully she will get this one.

but yea its 3:37 and i ran out of things to say so maybe later ill post more

by the way this is morining time lol am. hmmm i think this is the longest entry i ever wrote dammmmnnn.

everyone who knows joanna is my true love and i will never give her up. well we started sending letters to eachother. im sending mine the 28th. i got hers friday and omg it was so amazing. it made me cry in a very happy way. I know she loves me the same amount  i love her and at times i do think she deserves someone way beter. i sometimes feel like a bad boyfriend because i can barely get on and if i do shes not on or i cant ressponde cause my parent walked in the room.

im grounded for grades.

i got an A+ in chinese, an A+ in world Civics, an C in Geometry, an C+ in Chemistry 2, an D+ in comp apps. and an U in english. im not going to lie i fail some test in english but i hate my english teacher. shes a bitch. she gets on me saying i have missed work and i show her that she graded it but yet she wont count it off. when we get time to talk to our friends at the end of class she listens in and says derek hush, nobody wants to know about your girlfriend that much. she pisses me the fuck off.

there has been a problem with my keyboard lately. well its been going on for awhile actually. alot of people think i cant spell, miss letters, or try to write lke ths. or likee thiiss. NO! i type so fast cause computer apps. helped me with my typing that when im typing i either skip a letter or it adds on a letter. so joanna im sorry if you think i misspelled your name but i didnt i love you very much.

i dont know i can cry about horrible stuff but i can cry in an amazing way for joanna.

Joanna is seriously the only best amazing, great thing i have in my life right now. i l0ove her so much and im telling you now. no can ever replace her. 7 months, 1 week, 5 days, 2 hours, and 24 mins. i been with her.

i love you baby boo forever and always and i will never hurt you. never ever.

So must of you guys probably been thinking i have been ignoreing you by messages and notes.

Well im not.

there has been alot of things been going on lately. im constanly upset cause i havent heard from joanna for a while and when she does message or leaves notes im not on. :(

Also im grounded. nothing new right. i can check my stuff but i cant talk. so if i do leave a message or not just be lucky cause usually i have to get up at 3 in the morning and leave notes. i mean itry to talk more and more people but yea.

but luckyily im getting off grounding today. maybe. i hope i do. so yea.

i moved to winnipeg for awhile with my dad it was kinda fun. its a city in canada and now im back in kentucky so if you live in louisville then lets hangout over theweekend or something.

oh and im mostly pissed now in days cause i found out that i have a fake.  why would somebody fake me. im not cute, im not scene, nor emo like most kids now in days but im not saying i have a problem with them or if i was one. im just saying im not the type of guy to imagine to have a fake and theres a few kids at school that would say the same.

so hopefully ill be on more and i mean talking. i love you i love you guys alot i just wish i could stay out of trouble and shit. hopefully we will talk soon. add me tell your friends to add me cause when i say i want to talk to more people i really do mean it.

Derek

so i was at my friend richards hous & we are on youtube right well i wanted to be stupid in type in scene music. a bitchy video popped up called emo/scene kids suck!!!! WHAT? i know its probably about a year old but it pisses me the fuck off i swear. i dont know what she was tinking. i know i know im not a sterotype but i have friends that people sterotype as emo / scene kids. & im pissed totally pissed about that video

 

so i dont know i might post a response to her or not

 

but i just want to know what is your opinion on emo / scene kids?

i want to hear what people think

hey guys,

so your probably wondering why im not on much right. well its not my fauly that im not on much. i mean i try my hardest to get on buzznet & myspace alot. but theres really alot of things that is happening at the moment.

&

i got this weird comment on my little youtube show about i need to go die cause im what is called emo...yea i dont like sterotypes nor labels. can people just put that to a fucking rest. I love my style & my hair. dont judge me if you dont even fucking know me.

"im getting so tired of all this emo crap, emo is dead. No one labels people anymore. Just leave it, instead of trying to make an argument." i enjoy that quote by kayla & niveka.

I'm not going to lie either. i do have a lot of friends that are girls. but it doesnt mean im interested. i have a woman her name is joanna &i love more then any fucking thing.

which speaking of joanna. August 14 was our 4 month anniversary. i really miss my sexy joanna bunny. i hope we talk soon on here. buzznet is our place cause this is the site where we actually met eacother. which was around october so its almost a year anniversary for our friendsship as well.

Notes are getting on my nerves cause i have about 141 of them which im trying to respond to but  it takes long because some times my computer freezes on peoples profiles. thats why i wrote my last journal on sending me messages.

well anyways i want all of you guys to stay NYAPPY!!(Happy by miku from antique cafe). send me messages PLZ!! Add or just go veiw my youtube show with kayla. Its Kayla & derek Live. i might get a stickam no tellin yet though. & yea talk to you son guys.

Derek.

Grrr i really am starting to not like the note thing. its no ones fault but my own cause i barely get on so i forget most of the convos i have with people. this proves how slow i am lol. well can you guys please start leaveing me messages more than notes. its easier for me with messages.

 

thank you.

Derek

Well so far i made up a new band & there is 4 of us at the moment, we already start'd making music & its way better than my last band. the only porblem is we need help with a name :( so if anyone has any ideas, plz comment me

They Broken Up but if you live in louisville & you want to join a band & shit, just send me a message cause im in the process of making a new band.

the terror kids are no more cause of certain reasons dealing with the drummer & The guitarist & a few other things.

well also i have a sample of me & the guys before we broken up so if you want to hear it, ill send you the link

maybe & hopefully you will like it

if anybody asks i was the lead singer.

so i think i told at least a ouple of people about this but im going to tell all of you now.

if the online thing says im on, dont believe it unless that activity thing says i dropped a note  cause i barely get on this site sadly & i hate it that i barely am on & its kinda hard to reply to people now in days with all the things im going through

but i am going to try to get on a lot more like i did when i first made this.

Brandon peak is my bestest friend in the whole wide world & i want you to be his friend as well

yea thats right im actually whoring is fucking ass right here & now

add this bitch he fucking will talk to you, 

i love him & you will to.

http://xxbrandonxsuicidexx.buzznet.com/

Scream

All the pain inside hitting me through every vein

screaming till i can't find the words to say

even though it all just inplodes on me

like a venomous sting

[[Scream! Till your lungs giveout.

Scream! Till your breath runs out.

Scream! Till you can't take no more,

Scream! Till your life restores!!]]

Have you heard how when a mute man sings

all anyone can hear is just a violent ring

as if he screams all with all his breath

as if he screams till he reaches death

Scream! Till your lungs giveout.

Scream! Till your breath runs out.

Scream! Till you can't take no more,

Scream! Till your life restores!!

Open your eyes,

Seen the pain i feel inside,

because you didn't see before,

i hate you only so much more.

[Chorus X's 2]

hair cutt
hair dyed
OMG! new hair
lol

if ur noticeing i am back on buzznet & im not going anywhere lol, well maybe myspace but what ever. so yea hopefully you guys havent forgotten about me cuz i miss all of you guys :(. but yea contact me i would love to hear from you guys

love you <333

no one understands how i feel, i feel like im in a black deep whole, where i cant escape, people throwing stuff at me down there wich builds up as my problems, i cant take this pain no more

im getting messages about how i dont talk anymore to you guys & thats not my fault, im always grounded now in days, my grounding got so bad that i cant even get on during the days, i have to sneek on some times, dont say i dont talk to you anymore cause i try to talk to everyone, im not a bastard who says dont tell me this or that, i talk to everyone.

that was just the little percent of my problems, i also got put in the hospital for suicide attempts, yea three people warned me that will happen but did i listen no cause from what my mom says im a stupid mawther fucker.

My parents hate me so bad, that they dont just give me a little grounding they do lots more, i try to keep everything bottled up but i cant take all of this no more.

 

im sick of being hurt, im sick of the pain im just sick of everything, so im just going to go find a blade

I have a new poll up for like once lol but yea anyways its the battle of the colors so plz go vote on it plz

You walk into a dark room, U hear  heavy Metal music & a boy crying , u see the boy & his arm is covered with blood, the razor is next to him on the floor covered with blood & tears. The boy looks up & trys to cover up his arm fast & trys to stop crying, but he cant do it fast enough before You ask the questions & he cant awnser cause he is scared of what u might think, so he runs away fast.

Omg i feel like complete shit. I dont really know why i just feel flat out depressed it could be pills, but i doubt it, i really don't know why someone just come over and beat the shit out of me and leave me unconscious. Please?